


Kisses and Cake

by JohnBurtonLee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Ginny Weasley Bashing, Ron Weasley Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnBurtonLee/pseuds/JohnBurtonLee
Summary: Ginny's delusional, Harry and Hermione are snogging and Ron's enjoying cake.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 9
Kudos: 212
Collections: Harmony For Essentials Gift Exchange





	Kisses and Cake

**Author's Note:**

> For Julia who requested the trope Weasley Bashing.

Our story, like many fairy tales, starts with an evil witch, or rather a teenage witch with poor judgement and impulse control, which any educator could tell you is arguably worse. Now this witch, Ginny, had the belief, passed down from her mother, that using a love potion was harmless as long as it was just used to get the boy's attention.

The problem was that she already had the boy's attention. Harry certainly shot her enough looks. (Nevermind the fact that her target was a sixteen year old male so the criteria for checking out a person was basically "is she female?" There were also days where even that wasn't a requirement and a shapely piece of topiary warranted a second look.) And why wouldn't she have his attention? She was gorgeous, athletic, smart, funny and had more than a passing resemblance to his mother.

(Why you would want to date someone who had pulse pounding dreams about their mother is a question best left to experts on psychology. Though Harry actually did have regular pulse pounding dreams about his mother- nightmares about his mother dying, that is.)

So why didn't Harry make a move? It took a while for Ginny to put it together, but once she did it was obvious: she was too perfect and it intimidated him. Look at how awkward he was approaching the infinitely inferior Cho Chang.

She thought about using a charm to lower his inhibitions, but decided it was a bad idea. After all she didn't want him to just outright ravish her... at least, not yet. It was a bit of a problem since she was quite ravishable if she did say so herself.

Eventually she found a charm to make the target feel a strong urge to kiss someone. It didn't make you want to kiss anyone in particular, just gave the urge to kiss while at the same time removing fear of consequences (within reason). There were pages of caveats on the spell that basically boiled down to the fact that it wouldn't make you kiss someone you hated even if they were the only one available. It didn't matter since the only reason she could think of for Harry to avoid kissing her was fear of her brothers and they actually liked him, so it should be fine.

The problem was she just couldn't get him alone to cast the spell discreetly. Even if it was obvious that he would want it, it would still raise too many questions if she cast a spell and then he kissed her right afterwards. And she tried waiting forever! Like a whole day! So she decided to do it when it was just her, Harry and Hermione in a corridor. Obviously he would be much more interested in snogging her than the bookworm, right?

Ginny ran as she saw him move to do just that. She didn't want to be in the blast radius when Mt. Granger erupted.

* * *

"You have no idea how long I wanted to do that."

Hermione turned to the side and blushed. "How long?"

"Since we were on Buckbeak together."

"What made you try now?"

"I'm not sure. I think I saw you do that thing where you chew your bottom lip-" Harry groaned. "Just like that. Are you trying to get me to kiss you again?"

"Is it working?"

" _Yes_."

She gave him a sultry grin. "Good."

* * *

Ginny had made one small, but in retrospect, obvious mistake. She hadn't let them know she was there so that Harry wouldn't know she cast a spell at him, but if he didn't know she was there then there would be only one available person to kiss.

She could work with it, though. When Harry showed up after Hermione slapped him a good one, Ginny could comfort him. But when they showed up to the common room later they seemed to be normal if a bit flushed. Ginny rolled her eyes. Of course. They had spent five years in the same school as Fred and George. Obviously if you do something completely random that you had no urge to do before, you'd think you were hit with a prank.

* * *

"I think Ginny figured us out," Hermione whispered into Harry's ear.

"Really?"

"She took one look at us, rolled her eyes and smirked a bit."

Harry glanced over and saw the remnants of a smile still on her face. "At least she approves."

Hermione nodded. "She's a good friend."

* * *

So the next time Ginny tried the spell, she made sure Harry knew she was there. Only, he kissed the bookworm again! Maybe Bill and Charlie were just that scary?

* * *

"I didn't think you'd be affected that way by Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. What came over you this time? I'm sure I wasn't doing the thing with my lips that drives you crazy."

Harry shook his head. "I'm not sure. You were just being you and suddenly I needed to kiss you."

"I suppose it's nice to have a boyfriend who doesn't want me to change."

* * *

She called him her boyfriend! That complicated things. Harry wouldn't be such a good catch if it wasn't for his streak of nobility after all. Plus the Gryffindor girls had a code about not poaching boys from one another. Oh, Ginny had no doubt that she could take on the entire tower and come out on top, but it would be so tiresome. Fortunately, she just needed to wait and let Ron blow up and break them up.

* * *

Harry and Hermione faced the question about what to do about Ron when the two of them got together. They didn't want to make him feel like a third wheel and he did have a history of jealousy. The sensible, mature thing to do would be to sit down and have a frank discussion, so obviously that is not what they did.

They had found an abandoned classroom to brainstorm in. After a heated snog that Harry broke off only because he (incorrectly) believed that Hermione would be upset if his hands started wandering any further, he said "You know, Ron hardly notices anything when he has some good food in front of him."

"Are you suggesting that we just stuff Ron full of food whenever we want to distract him?"

Harry looked down sheepishly. Or maybe it was to get a better look down the front of her half open shirt. "I guess it sounds-"

"Brilliant! All we need is some preservation charms and maybe a bag with an undetectable expansion charm and…."

And now Hermione was in research mode rather than sexy fun times mode. Harry might have minded more if it wasn't for three facts: one, as mentioned, her shirt was half open; two, once they got together she started wearing sexy bras; and most importantly, three, she had a tendency to sort of vibrate in place when she was excited about looking something up. 

* * *

Ron grunted as he plopped down on the couch. "Are you two working on that essay for Defense already?"

Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance knowing that it was time to give their plan a try. "Just about to take a break," Harry said as he pulled out a cake. "Though I've been practicing my cake decorating skills. Mind helping me clear out the results?"

"I suppose I could," Ron said faux magnanimously.

Harry cursed to himself as he realized he forgot to bring any tableware. Ron, however, displayed a previously unseen talent for transfiguration as he conjured a set for himself.

Hermione gave him a peck on the lips, which Ron didn't notice at all. "Success."

Harry waggled his eyebrows. "I think for scientific purposes we should see just how effective it is."

After some very scientific public displays of affection they determined that eating cake blocked out Ron's perception of everything they were willing to do in the common room. With luck the fact they were making out would penetrate on a subconscious level.

Any further experimentation was interrupted by a scream and then Ginny attacked Ron with everything she had while ranting about treachery. They had to stun her to get her to stop.

* * *

"Are Ron and Ginny alright?" Mr. Potter asked Poppy, pulling on his hair nervously.

"Mr. Weasley will be fine after a good night's sleep and should join you for class tomorrow. As for Miss Weasley all I can say is that she won't be returning as quickly."

The young man looked downcast.

"Now I understand congratulations are in order for you and Miss Granger?" The boy's goofy grin said it all. He at least tried to suppress it given the state of his friends, but it slipped through nonetheless. "Do you know how Miss Weasley reacted to that?"

"She seemed happy for us. She didn't say it, but I think she was thinking that it was about time. She had that smirk, you know?"

"I think under the circumstances that it wouldn't hurt to let you know that we found traces of a spell to induce kissing on her wand."

"Oh? Oh! I should really thank her."

It was a nice story and completely at odds with what the young woman had been saying when they woke her earlier. Then again, they did find quite a bit of dark magic residue on her. That could be explained by the business Miss Weasley's first year, but surely her parents would have followed the instructions Poppy gave them to treat that. It would have hardly cost a thing.

No, combined with the irrationality implied by thinking that attacking Mr. Weasley would somehow get the new golden couple to break up, that led to the conclusion that someone had put a very dark curse on the girl very recently.

* * *

"It feels a bit weird to be indulging in us time with Ginny in St. Mungos," Harry said.

"I know… but getting us together was the last thing she did before whoever did it scrambled her brain. If we didn't then we'd be letting them win," Hermione said hotly. "Besides, baking together isn't that much of a date."

She would change her mind a bit later. The house elves were a bit salty that Harry kept using the kitchen to cook, especially since Harry had the annoying habit of cleaning up after himself. Dobby, being a tricksy elf, figured out a counter to that. It was also a favor to his favorite wizard. He just made sure a bit of chocolate glaze "accidentally" landed on Hermione, right where the neck joined the torso so that it dripped between her breasts.

That distracted Harry from cleanup and gave the couple a spot of fun.

* * *

Ron loved Harry like a brother (which was less of a ringing endorsement than you might think if you remembered that Ron was brothers with Percy and the twins). That didn't mean that he was blind to Harry's faults. Harry could be a bit dim at times. It should be obvious that if you're going to work on your cake decorating skills you didn't need to bake a whole cake each time. There was nothing stopping you from transfiguring something cake shaped to practice on or even practicing on a piece of parchment. Still Ron would be a mate and help clean up Harry's messes. It was the least he could do.

* * *

As Harry slid another cake in Ron's direction he said to his girlfriend "You know, it's been months and I'm not sure Ron has noticed either us dating or the fact that Ginny's gone."

"Well, then we'll just have to honor her memory by making her last act count." She moved to kiss him and then paused. "Pretend I said that in a way that didn't make it sound like she's dead."

"As you wish," Harry said as he closed the gap.


End file.
